READY STEADY ...!!

Archie, a young snail trained (?) by Carl Bramham holds the World Snail Racing Championship record. Each year there are about 150 entrants, racing from the centre of a 13 inch circular course to its perimeter at Congham, Norfolk. Archie's winning "sprint" took 2 mins 20 seconds.

GOOD OLD DAYS!!

In 1785 a metal device called the Brank was invented to stop women brawling. It was used in Stockport's market place where women were pulled away from drunken fights and had the heavy Brank fitted over their heads. It had a spiked metal plate to stop women screaming as they were paraded through the market place.

FACE FACTS!!

A London prostitute who is a huge Chelsea fan had pictures of Gianfranco Zola and Marcel Desailly tattooed at the top of her thighs. She even offers free sex to anyone who can name them. Apparently one punter took a long look at both of them and eventually said "I don't know about those two but the one in the middle is definitely Alex Ferguson!!

PLACE YOUR BETS!!

In 1937 Gandar Dower tried introducing Cheetah racing in the UK as an alternative to greyhounds. He didn't realise cheetahs are uncompetitive and too clever to mistake a piece of rag for a gazelle. At the tracks in Haringay and Romford, the cheetahs just wandered after being released from the traps and the experiment failed!!

SPECIAL DELIVERY!!

A former FA Cup final referee lost a finger whilst working as a postman. Keren Barratt, 57, was in charge of the 1993 final between Arsenal and Sheffield Wednesday. He had just started the job when he was injured by a spring-loaded letter box near his home in Coventry.

ROBIN HOOD COACH!!

A coach stole £17,000 from a sports association, then he gave it to a gym club for needy kids. John Wake, 72, used his role as treasurer of the North of England Gymnastic Association to fund the gym club for five

years. Wake admitted theft but was given a suspended jail sentence after Newcastle Crown Court heard he did not spend a penny on himself.

PROP STAR!!

Grandad Peter Emms still plays for his local rugby club at the age of 63. Peter first turned out as an 18 year old in 1958. Now he plays as a prop forward for the second team each Saturday against opponents more than 40 years younger. He is allowed to skip training on age grounds, he also has a shot of whiskey before each game. Peter, of Scarborough, North Yorks, said "I love the game as much as ever. I've got a few years left yet".

COCK-OR-TWO!!

In a school game in Lincolnshire. 13 year old Stuart Turner was sent off for playing with a cockatiel on his head. During the first half, the bird landed on his head, but Stuart, unflappable under pressure, played on. The referee ordered him off the pitch because none of the other players could stop giggling. In a similar incident at Man United s training ground, Alex Ferguson dismissed Paul Scho!es for playing with a cock on his head .. until he realised that Scholes was merely giving Gary Neville a piggy-back!!

VICTORIA CALLING!!

If you thought you had seen the back of red nose day for another year, well think again, On the day of our last branch meeting, Tuesday 11th March Aide and Don both had a phone call from a landlord of a pub near City's new stadium. Jason Gleave, landlord of THE VICTORIA INN, was invited down to our meeting later that evening. He very kindly brought us a bottle of brandy for our raffle, he stayed for the meeting and enjoyed himself. The reason for his visit was that he wants our members to drink in his pub before home games next season. The pub is only about five minutes away from The City of Manchester Stadium, it is situated in Croft Street. Never one to miss an opportunity, both Don and Aide volunteered to pay the pub a preseason visit, purely in the line of duty of course! So a few of the lads will be paying a visit to the Victoria Inn before the start of the new season, we will let you know how we get on (Hic) Red Nose Day is here again!!