New United Kit

In the best interests of all confused current Manchester United
supporters, Nike have announced that next year the Man Utd kit
will feature a reversible shirt, similar to the current
England shirt.

One side will feature the existing Man Utd home kit but, once
reversed, will transform into the current Arsenal home kit.
This radical move is aimed specifically to pacify the Manchester
United supporter who naturally expects his team to win

all their home games and, at the very minimum, the Premiership.
The new shirt will give the Man Utd supporter the opportunity to
maximise his glory hunting potential by supporting whoever is likely to
win the title.

The new shirts are expected to go on sale in the Manchester United
strongholds of Hampshire, Surrey, Essex and Kent in the close season.
For those supporters that are unable to wait that long
they will be released to the genuine supporters of Malaysia, Papa New
Guinea and Outer Mongolia within the next month.
Next season could also see Man Utd shirts featuring reversible
Liverpool, Leeds and Chelsea kits depending on who is doing well at
the time, although the plans for the Aston Villa reversible shirt
have been scrapped since the appointment of Graham Taylor.
Rumors persist in a reversible Man Utd/Argentina shirt but these
have yet to be confirmed by Man Utd kit spokesman Wing Chow Ho.

Some more....
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in
common with Wormwood Scrubs?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q: How many Manchester Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb, one to buy the "1999 light bulb
changing" commemorative T-shirt and video, and one to drive the other
two back to Torquay.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Man United players on them ... and people
couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd
shirt. He knocks on the pearly gates and out walks St Peter with a
Latics scarf."Hello mate" says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans
in heaven"
"WHAT?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Man Utd fans."
"But, but,but,I've been a good man",replies the Man Utd supporter.
"Oh really",says St Peter "What have you done, then?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds
to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St Peter "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless"
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian
orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I
have a word with the Boss."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in
the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me.
Here's your thirty quid back, now f*ck off"

Q: If you see a Manchester United Fan on a bicycle, why should you
never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a Manchester United Fan from
Manchester,and an old drunk are walking down the street together when
they simultaneously spot a 10 note.

Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical
creatures.

Q: What do you have when 100 Manchester United Fans are
buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a
Manchester United Fan. You have a gun with two bullets.
What should you do?
A: Shoot the United Fan. Twice.

Q: What is the difference between a Manchester United Fan and a
trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

A Scouse van driver used to amuse himself by running over every
Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the
road
in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them
and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on
the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking.
He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over.
He asked the Priest "where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down
the road" replied the priest.
"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift, climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van
continued down the road.
Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down
the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just
in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he
swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the ba*tard.
However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting sh*te,
he still heard a loud "THUD".
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his
mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the
priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester
United fan"
"That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the f*cker with the door!"